I don't know what to do about History Girl. Her therapist is away for the week. On Tuesday she totally lost control and freaked out and kicked me. She was upset about something....I can't remember what. It had to do with her worrying about something poisoning her and when I tried to calm her down she was on the stairs above me and she kicked me in the stomach.
Yesturday she ended up not going to Girl Scouts, because she scraped her knee on a rusty piece of metal and she was sure she was going to die from it. I showed her she was up to date on all her shots and stuff, but she freaked out for hours. We couldn't let her go to Girl Scouts like that. She was so looking forward to working with the Brownies that were visiting her troop yesurday, but all I could see is her freaking out on a poor little Brownie and scaring that Brownie for life. So I sent her to bed early and had her rest.
What is heartbreaking about the whole thing if you talk to her about it later, she knows she is not being logical and rational when it comes to the things that cause the panic attacks. It seems like the panicing part of her brain totalally takes over rational side of her brain and she can't contol it.
I have talked to the people at her school and we are working on a behavior menu for History Girl so she knows first she does A...if that doesn't help she does B...then C and so on until she feels normal again.
Fly Guy says he sometimes wonders if it was a bad idea for us to mix our genes with the mental stuff that flows through our families. Well with my cronic major depression and my learning issues, anyone mixing their genes with me would have kids with some sort of problems. I guess I have always known that but it is hard concept to realize.
I have been feeling very high levels of stress and of all things that could be helping me. The thing that has been destressing me the most is reading Fan written Harry Potter stories. Some of them are quite good and they take my mind off of things.
Normally I swim to destress, but at this point if I swim any more I will grow gills. Plus two people that I swim with in high school have joined my Masters Swim Team. I am not sure how I feel about it, because I have never been an awesome swimmer, even though I love it. I am like the 7th best backstroker in Maine in my age group, but that is mostly because I keep going on while other people drop out. These two people from my past who have showed up in my Master's Swim Team are people swimming fast is second nature to them. One of them at 40 years old and nearly breaks the one minute mark for 100 free. I have to say that I am a little upset with them showing up because I finally was viewed as good at swimming, when growing up I was just average when it came to it and the only way I have been able to become one of the best is to keep doing it while others dropped by the way side. So I am a bit bitter right now and I know that isn't right for me to feel that way. So this is just the long way of me saying I am not as joyful about swimming as I have been lately. I have always loved swimming and once I get over this bitterness I will love it again, just give me a month or so. :-)
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