Music Camp and my alma mater

History Girl went to Band Camp today....it takes place at the university I got my BA at. It was weird to pick her up because memories came back. I have a strange relationship with my alma mater . When I first was applying to schools when I was in high school I never even thought twice about USM, because it was local and because it was where all the losers went. Even though one of my closest friends went there but she went because of money issues. She was ahead of me in school so when I was a Senior in high school I would spend the night with her at her dorm...we would hang out and she was the first person to show me what was to become the Internet....the university was on Bitnet and I used Bitnet relay which fostered my love of communication over computers. My friend was a music major so the place I had to pick up History Girl from was the building I hung out with my friend. So I have many fond memories of the University.

When it was time for me to go to college I ended up going away to New York to go to school. I ended up in an abusive relationship while I was there which really negatively effected my performance in school...not surprising at all. I have dealt with the issues with the abuse, but I still can "see" the carpet that I woke up seeing when I came to after a beating. It was a short pile tan carpet and it smelled like a new carpet, there were dark spots that it took me a bit to realize was my blood. I was able to the hospital with some help from some friends. Turned out when my boyfriend found out that I had left he went on a rampage...I have heard different stories about how he had a knife with him or how he had a gun with him and he asked friends where I was, but nobody would tell him where I was.

dropped the ball about getting me a computer for the test that day. This After a few years I hadn't gotten my feet back under me, I felt like I was stupid and a failure and stuff like that. I had met Fly Guy and he knew I was smart and he encouraged me to do whatever seemed right for me. I decided I had to get out of New York. I wanted to get back to school. The only school that would take me with the grades I had was USM and I was excepted on probation...I can't remember if I had to get Cs or better or Bs or better or they would let me go. Well I made dean's list ....I made dean's list nearly every semester I went to USM....I seem to remember not making it when I took Asian History because I didn't like that course. I had amazing professors.....I had this one who was very excepting of my learning differences she even let me use her laptop for a test once because the Office for Students with Disabilities professor was the hardest History professor in the department. People told me I was insane to have her advice me for my Senior Theses...I was told she never gives anything higher then a B- when she was grading Senior Theses....I did mine on the Shoah (another term for the Holocaust which I rather to use...why is another blog posting) and homosexual men. I ended up getting an A on it.

During my time at USM I worked hard because I need to prove to myself I could do it and there was a major cloud over me because of what I had dealt with a few years before. So when I go to the campus I have all these feelings. Remembering the fun I had with my friend when I was in high school. I remember my time in New York. Remembering the gratitude that I felt for being given a second chance. The feeling of sadness because I don't feel like I lived up to my expectations.

So all these feelings swirled together when I drove on to the campus to pick up History Girl. Because of that I didn't handle her saying she didn't like band camp. I think she is just tired and once she settles in she in she will like it. At least I didn't yell at her....I just told her that I didn't want to talk about it now and we could talk about it later. Well she is yelling at Horse Girl....time to break it up. :-)