Thursday, May 10, 2007

What is your Harry Potter alter ego?

You scored as Ron Weasley. You often feel like second best and as a result don't have an awful lot of self confidence, but a truer more capable friend would be hard to find.

Ron Weasley


100%

Remus Lupin


90%

Ginny Weasley


80%

Hermione Granger


75%

Severus Snape


75%

Albus Dumbledore


60%

Harry Potter


55%

Sirius Black


40%

Draco Malfoy


35%

Lord Voldemort


20%

Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...?
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More problems History Girl and a little bit of rambleing

I don't know what to do about History Girl. Her therapist is away for the week. On Tuesday she totally lost control and freaked out and kicked me. She was upset about something....I can't remember what. It had to do with her worrying about something poisoning her and when I tried to calm her down she was on the stairs above me and she kicked me in the stomach.

Yesturday she ended up not going to Girl Scouts, because she scraped her knee on a rusty piece of metal and she was sure she was going to die from it. I showed her she was up to date on all her shots and stuff, but she freaked out for hours. We couldn't let her go to Girl Scouts like that. She was so looking forward to working with the Brownies that were visiting her troop yesurday, but all I could see is her freaking out on a poor little Brownie and scaring that Brownie for life. So I sent her to bed early and had her rest.

What is heartbreaking about the whole thing if you talk to her about it later, she knows she is not being logical and rational when it comes to the things that cause the panic attacks. It seems like the panicing part of her brain totalally takes over rational side of her brain and she can't contol it.

I have talked to the people at her school and we are working on a behavior menu for History Girl so she knows first she does A...if that doesn't help she does B...then C and so on until she feels normal again.

Fly Guy says he sometimes wonders if it was a bad idea for us to mix our genes with the mental stuff that flows through our families. Well with my cronic major depression and my learning issues, anyone mixing their genes with me would have kids with some sort of problems. I guess I have always known that but it is hard concept to realize.

I have been feeling very high levels of stress and of all things that could be helping me. The thing that has been destressing me the most is reading Fan written Harry Potter stories. Some of them are quite good and they take my mind off of things.

Normally I swim to destress, but at this point if I swim any more I will grow gills. Plus two people that I swim with in high school have joined my Masters Swim Team. I am not sure how I feel about it, because I have never been an awesome swimmer, even though I love it. I am like the 7th best backstroker in Maine in my age group, but that is mostly because I keep going on while other people drop out. These two people from my past who have showed up in my Master's Swim Team are people swimming fast is second nature to them. One of them at 40 years old and nearly breaks the one minute mark for 100 free. I have to say that I am a little upset with them showing up because I finally was viewed as good at swimming, when growing up I was just average when it came to it and the only way I have been able to become one of the best is to keep doing it while others dropped by the way side. So I am a bit bitter right now and I know that isn't right for me to feel that way. So this is just the long way of me saying I am not as joyful about swimming as I have been lately. I have always loved swimming and once I get over this bitterness I will love it again, just give me a month or so. :-)

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Greek God

I took this Greek God quiz for fun. The result didn't suprise me with the amount of time I am swimming or thinking about swimming.







?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??

Accomodations

I just walked my girls over to school this morning and it turns out that Horse Girl has a writing prompt and History Girl has NWEA testing today. When I dropped the girls off I over heard some parents complaining about accomodations some of the kids get. Well Horse Girl gets to do her writting prompts in the Resorse Room and she is allowed to have extra time to do them. Which seems fine to me. All through college I took my tests on computers because I can type faster then I can write so my brain and my hands don't stumble over each other trying to get my thoughts out. Plus in college I got double time for my tests. When I took my GREs and GMATs I also used a computer and got double time. So to me accomodations aren't something I think about if someone says they need them then fine they should get them.

What suprises me more then anything are the very smart people that I know who seem to think that accomodations aren't fair to the people who have to take the test "normally." First of all I want to scream and say "For Pete's Sake I would love to give up my accomodations to be able to read and write like other people." I would give up Horse Girl's accomodations for to be able to read and write like other people.

Extra time doesn't make the test easier. If you don't have the information in your brain no matter how long you look at that test it will not magically appear. That is just the way it is. The extra time is just so people who have problems with reading and writing can have the time to process things. I personally think time tests are just stupid in the first place. As I said if a person doesn't know the info then they have nothing to put down for an answer so it doesn't matter how long testing period is.

I am not sure if this has made it into the news other places, but there is a man who has learning differances and he has graduated from law school and the Bar will not let him have accomodations for Bar exam. That makes me so angry....because the Law School let him have accomodation at school and now he can't seem to become a practicing lawyer because of issues around accomodations. I have had people say to me about this case that lawyers have to think on their feet so that is why it needs to be a timed test and it wouldn't be fair to the clients of a person who only past the Bar because of accomodations. WHAT?!?!? For Pete's Sake this is 2007, we aren't living in the dark ages, there is no reason to protect the disabled people from themselves. People with Learning Differences know they have issues, if these people talked to the guy or any person with learning issues they would find out that they knows what they are good at and what they aren't and they steer away from the stuff they aren't good at.

I most likely won't ever be going back to college again, even though I would love to. I love college I love higher learning....heck I just love school. I went to see about taking the Praxis test to see about going back to school to become a special ed teacher. Well ETS says that even though I have had accomodation with them in the past because it was more then 5 years ago, I need to be retested to prove that I still have learning disablities. Gee....they must know something that I don't. I guess in their world people can grow out of having learning disablities. You don't know how much I wish that was true, because it would give me some hope for Horse Girl's future that she might not have all the issues I have had and won't need to fight the same battles I have, but I know that that is not the case and ETS is just a self serving company.

ETS worries about how people view their tests. If they didn't make people jump through hoops to get accomdations then schools might not view the tests as accurate. If schools didn't see the tests ass accurate then they would stop requiring people to take the tests to apply for admitions and if that happens then ETS would lose money.

It just strikes me a bit ironic that if some of the best minds ever.....for example: Einstein, Churchill, Disney, DeVinci, Edison, Faraday, etc. asked for accomodations to process the test they would be told they couldn't have it unless they went through testing in the last 5 years to prove they have a "problem".

I just finished reading a Biography on Einstein....I read his biographies when I am down and want to remember the gifts of being dyslexic. In the biography they quoted stuff he wrote saying how some of his best theries came to him as pictures in his brain. Which makes total sence to me.

The reason it makes sence is because I know I don't read like other people, I don't sound out words. Sounding out words just confuses me. I sight read, ever word I read is a word I have memorized the shape of and that is how we are working on teaching Horse Girl to read. Dyslexics think with pictures not words. Which works ok most of the time, but does cause problems. When I am reading and there is a name that I don't know and is hard to memorize....happens often in Russian History books and in Fantasy books....I ended up "reading" the name by saying ok this is the person with the long name that starts with A and ends with i and his patranimic is Ivan....so that is how I "read" the person's name through the whole book. It only becomes a problem if there is a lot of long names that start and end with the same letters. Which is the case with Lord of the Rings (LOTR). I love Fantsy books, but I have never been able to read LOTR because of the people's names. I get confused and give up. I am thinking I should get it on an audiobook since I know Horse Girl loves the movies so I bet she will want to read them at some point and I don't want her to deal with the frustration I have had. This might be one of the reasons I like the Harry Potter books so much, they are fantasy books, but all the names in the book are either ones that I know from day to day life or they are easy for me to memorize.

Well I got off my topic about accomodations. I know I could be tested again to prove that I still have my LDs, but in reality it isn't worth my time or money right now at this point in my life, when I know I already have the paperwork to prove my issues.....just they won't except them. I need to pour my time and money into getting Horse Girl her paperwork to prove her issues and maybe once I am done with that. I can work on me again.

Quick catch up

I have several things to post about because I have been busy.

First of all my niece (Publisher Brother's baby) was finally born and there has been much excitement. I haven't seen her in person, but in photos she seems very cute for a baby that isn't mine. ;-) My brother seems to be shaping up to be a great dad and I am proud of him.

Second of all I was away all weekend doing Girl Scout overnight camp training. 18 hours worth of training and I have learned to make cornbread in a cardboard box and make a camp fire and steam muffins. I had a good time. One of the trainers is a music teacher at the school I went to when I graduated from High School and she taught us campfire songs, so it was nice to have someone who really can sing teach that part of the training, because that could have been really hard to sit through if it was just someone who "knew" the songs rather then someone who could sing the songs.

Because of this training, my eyes were so sore from all the campfire smoke and my lungs were sore from it I ended up not swimming yesturday because of the lung issue and it wasn't until Fly Guy got me some eye drops did my eyes start to feel better. They still are a little sore, but they are better.

I have other things I should write about, but I need to get the girls ready for school.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

My inner 16 year old

I have been realizing over the last few weeks that I really view myself not at 30-something years old, but as 16. I am always suprised when I realize that I am not 16. I am not sure why I feel this way. Could be that the women in my family love to be 100+ and 30-something is a drop in the bucket. It could be because I was in an abusive relationship when I was 18 and that has colored all the rest of my life and when I was 16 life was good. When I was 16 I could drive, I listened to loud music, I went swimming several times a day, I had a job that paid a bit, but not enough for me to live off of, I was in a relationship with a guy I liked a lot.....hmmm...sounds a bit like my life now. ;-) I wonder how old other people view their interal self and why. I know the Fly Guy views himself as an old guy. When I met him when I was 19, he was an old guy in a young guy's body and now his body is finally catching up with his interal self. I wonder if it is easier to have your inner self be older or younger then your real age. I know it is hard to me to reconsile the way I feel and the way my body looks, so that is hard to deal with sometime, but I guess that is life. :-)

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Issues with History Girl

History Girl has been having problems with depression and anxiety for most of this school year. She has been going to a therapist and that seems to be working.

Today when I was working at the school History Girl came up to me and asked me if shampoo was toxic. I told her no the shampoo she uses is not toxic. Clearly she was gearing up for another anxiety attack. Since I work in the school from 11:30 - 1:30 she knows where to find me and that I am in the school for those hours. She ended up going to the school's office and telling them she was sick and wanted to go home. She knows the rule, if she isn't vomiting or has a fever she doesn't come home sick. So I told the school secretary that History Girl was not coming home with me and I was going out the back way so History Girl wouldn't see me because that would have made her even more upset. I feel like a bad mother, but I know that I can't give in to her on coming home. It isn't like I don't already have an appointment with her therapist for this afternoon to try to figure out what is going on. I am not ignoring the situation. I am sneaking out the back of the daughters' school. :-P

She has been having a problem for the last two months or so, that if she gets anything into her mouth that isn't food, she panics and is sure that she is going to die from what went into her mouth. She has been having trouble sleeping because of this and things like that.

I talk to friends who are mothers to figure out how to parent in various situations, but this isn't something I have been able to find help dealing with. I have no idea how to handle a kid with is having anxiety attacks of this level. I am doing the best I can, but I still feel like I am messing up.