When Love Doesn't Overcome All

When I was reading the aftermath of Vote No on One results in the Portland Press Herald I saw this photo taken by Gregory Rec, who takes wonderful photos for the Press Herald. I looked at this photo and it brought me to tears. Can you just imagine the whispers between this couple. The dreams that they had that aren't going to happen because Yes on One won. That people other then themselves have a say in their future. Can you imagine the disappointment and the heaviness in their hearts when it was announced that referendum one passed. It is just not fair.

History Girl whose two best friends are gay males, has decided that the next time this comes to a vote she will do all a teenager can do, because she doesn't think it is right that her best friends might not have a chance to marry when they are adults.

Horse Girl was worried this morning when she heard the outcome. She was worried about one of her classmate who has two moms, she was concerned that this outcome might mean that this classmate's moms couldn't live together and his family was going to be torn apart. We explained that isn't what is going to happen. Turns out when I talked to one of the moms today she said their youngest had the same worry.


There is a selfish reason I wanted No on One to pass, I rather Maine not be viewed as a backwards, backwoods, hick sort of state. I thought if No on One passed people would see the Maine I know and love. Well maybe next time, there will be a next and most likely sooner then later.

Teach Your Children Well

In the Tales From the Testosterone Zone she writes today about a quote from Tampa Mom.

"Why do we enable our children to mediocrity and/or coddle them into becoming emotional cripples? Our children are so smart and amazing, but so many times we’re caught up in our own emotions and make their challenges all about us instead of just handing them back and saying, “How are you going to handle this?”

We’d have a lot more motivated, capable young adults in this world if we didn’t solve our kids’ problems for them and instead gave them guidance to help them solve their own. That’s what I’m working on and it’s just awesome seeing exactly how capable and smart my kids are.

If you guide your children and allow them the freedom to make the choices, they learn from the good and the bad and are far more capable, decisive, sympathetic, and empathetic. Keeping them safe is one thing, keeping them smothered is something else entirely!"

I believe there are times to let children to have freedom to make choices and learn from the good and the bad. I let my girls have freedom to explore our town without my restraints and they have both learned a lot from it.

The problem I have with giving my girls the freedom to make their own choices when it comes to their education is having two kids with two very different learning differences, I need to teach both of them how to advocate for themselves and how to make sure they have the accommodations they need and stuff like that.

With Horse Girl it isn't a problem she has known she has a learning difference all her life. She didn't talk until she was three years old and with help of a speech therapist. So she is excepting and willing to learn what she needs to do so she can show what she knows. Horse Girl knows how to advocate for herself and the special services teachers and her regular teachers always tell me they have never seen a 9 year old advocate as well as Horse Girl does. I am very proud of that and I know I can step back and just guide her a bit at this point and help her where she needs help because of her learning differences.

History Girl on the other hand she is new to this whole learning differences thing. She goes between loving it and finding characters on TV that she looks up to or laugh with who have the same issues she has. Shelden from The Big Bang Theory, he makes her laugh often. Then there is Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan on Bones. History Girl is always amazed with Bones and sees herself in the character so much so she now doesn't know if she wants to be an Imagineer for Disney or an anthropologist.

She then goes to hating it. Not wanting the extra help, viewing the extra help as making her stupid some how. This makes me want to scream. I think I finally got her to realize that is not the case. I explained to her that my IQ is in the 95th percentile (well depending on the test 93rd to 97th, so 95th is in the middle and a good number to go with), which means I am smart, but there is no way in this world that I would have been able to do half of the stuff I have done in my life without the extra help that I have received. We all need extra help once and awhile and knowing to except it makes a big difference in quality of life. So History Girl is finally somewhat willing to except some help which has made a big difference.

I have to admit I find helping Horse Girl a lot easier because I can understand her and I have been there done that. With History Girl her needs are very different then mine ever have been and it frustrates me. I wish I could understand stand her needs as well as I do Horse Girl's but I don't and it causes fights and stress because I just don't get it as well as I should.

The biggest academic issue History Girl has is getting school work from point A to point B to point C and then passed in. I have tried to teacher her difference organizational styles and nothing works. I also don't understand needing to be taught organization, I created my own system in 7th grade and modified it as needed through high school and college. Luckily there is a person at History Girl's school who is working with her on this because this has cause too much stress between us. I don't understand how she can finish a project and not turn it in I just don't get it. Fly Guy points out the rest of the world don't get Horse Girl and my issues, so I guess this is the feeling he has when he looking in on Horse Girl working on her homework and stuff.

I guess what I am trying to say is as much as I would like to let this all go and let the girls make and learn from their own mistakes, this isn't the time for it, not yet. History Girl's Social Worker and I have talked. Our goal is that when History Girl starts her Junior year in High School I should be hands off, but since this is such a late diagnoses and at such a hard time in a girl's life because she is figuring out who she is and tossing this new thing in doesn't make it easy for her.
So this is just another way life is different for a parent with kids with learning differences. Not that I would change things for anything in the world, I see the amazing gifts that my girls have gotten from their learning differences so they are worth the difficultly. Just it means I can't parent the way I would like 100% of the time, I need to guide more because the school as good as it is can't do everything and it is my job to take care of it.

Activities

There is one thing that Fly Guy and I disagree about when it comes to parenting. It is extracurricular activities. I would like to see History Girl do some because I very it as an important part of growing up, Fly Guy doesn't think it is important. I guess I am frustrated with the fact that History Girl tries something for awhile and then gives up on it. I would like her to find something that will bring her some sort of happiness for the rest of her life. Yeah, yeah, I know that is asking for a lot, but you have to remember that I started swimming competitively when I was 10 years old and since then I have always viewed myself as a swimmer. Even when I was on a break from swimming for one reason or another I stilled viewed myself as a swimmer. I used Middle School and High School as a time to try new things, Fly Guy thinks it was because I wanted to be away from home. I think I just wanted to try new things. I enjoyed the year I had with the model airplane club, I loved my few years with the Outing Club. I also took part in track (threw shot put and discus and ran the mile), cross-country and I was one of the first members of my High School's girls' lacrosse team. I was a member of SADD. I was a member of the Math Club, I won an honorable mention for the state wide Math Fair in eighth grade. I took Russian after school. Went to the Soviet Union my junior year of High School. I enjoyed trying all these new things and feel that they all made me a more interesting and knowledgeable person.

Thinking about it even in college I did activities. I joined the Fencing club. Pledged a sorority. Joined the ACM. I was a member of the pagan students association and a Russian Language club.

I always have enjoyed trying new things and it really frustrates me that History Girl has no interests in activities. Fly Guy says he wasn't involved in much and he turned out relatively normal, so I guess History Girl will be ok also.

You might have noticed I haven't said a word about Horse Girl. Well that is because when she picks up an activity, she picks it up for life. The only thing she has ever dropped out of is Girl Scouts and I was happy when she did that because it meant I no longer had to be a leader. :-)
She takes part in gymnastics, horse back riding, 4-H, piano lessons, and drum lessons. She also has her twice a week tutoring so she can't fit anything else in. So I have no worries about her. :-)

During your school years did you take part in activities and to what extent?

Nablopomo

Well it is November and my last post was sometime in April. Yes I am still alive, but I have been very busy. I am going to try to do Nablopomo, I can't guaranty anything since I work at a toy fund this time of year so November and December are even more crazy time wise than normal, but I will give it a shot rather than fold up shop here.

Things are rolling along with Horse Girl, she has a specialist that is very well known in the area who has been checking her out. So we are hoping to have new ideas to help her with her reading. Over all things are going really well for her. She is in a class with 13 students. She has a great teacher who really wants Horse Girl to do her best and also not stand out because in 4th grade it starts to be hard to be different. So that is all very good.

History Girl just was given ADOS (Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule) and I really hope to get some answers that fit with our view of her. Teachers are realizing she learns different then other kids so they have changed things a bit for her. For example one teacher had a weekly word and the students had to do several little tasks with that word over the week. They got 10 points if they did all the things. Well History Girl doesn't deal with the minutia of educations and so she has a lot of problems getting a project from point A to point B to point C then handed in. So she was getting between 0 and 5 points on these words. The teacher decided to give the whole class a pretest on the words and if the student got an 95 or better they didn't have to do the word of the week at all. History Girl was one of two kids that got better than a 95 she got a 98. So that really helped that teacher realize that History Girl really did know her stuff just couldn't give it to her in the way the teacher was looking for.

Fly Guy is doing well. Nothing big going on there.

I am still doing the same stuff I have always been doing....trying to keep my family on track and that they all get what they need.

A challenge

A few weeks ago LSM issued me a challenge to state my "thoughts on the joys (or travails) of mothering."

Is it wrong that I had a lot of problems thinking up something to write about it? Then Fly Guy sent me a link to this blog. It is about postpartum depression.

I don't remember History Girl's newborn days that well. I remember wanting to hit my MIL after she asked me if I had bonded with History Girl and would I run in front of a bus to save her. I didn't say anything right away because it was such a far out question typical of my MIL. It just annoyed me. I am not sure when I bonded with History Girl, it didn't happen like it does on TV and in the movies when they hand you the baby and all you feel is love for that baby. I didn't have thoughts of hurting History Girl, just bonding didn't come quickly. I wrote it off as the fact that I had never been around babies. I never took care of babies. History Girl's diapers were the first diapers I ever changed. I never babysat, I made more money lifegaurding so babysitting never made sense to me. So I wrote bonding issues off as being very new to the baby thing and having problems breastfeeding. The bond was something that grew slowly. It was there sometime around the time History Girl was 13 months old when she broke her elbow.

Horse Girl was born when History Girl was 3.5 years old. I didn't expect the bonding to happen right away because it didn't with History Girl. I did expect breastfeeding to be a problem so I was ready for that. Breastfeeding was hard work and we had a lactation consultant come to the house to help and had a nurse come to the house to weigh Horse Girl every other day or so. It finally worked out and I thought since breastfeeding was working out I will bond quicker this time. Well that wasn't the case.

When Horse Girl was about a month or two old. I remember not being able to handle the girls any more. I was a failure as a mother and I had to get out of there. I left the house and went to the garage planning to leave the girls in the house a lone and run away. Once I got to the car I found I had a flat tire. So I couldn't go anywhere. When I look back at that situation, that is when I truly believe that there is some sort of higher power, because if there wasn't a flat tire who knows what I would have done, how long the girls would have been a lone, what I would have done to myself and stuff like that. I ended up going back inside and calling my OB/GYN and telling her what happened. She called in a prescription for an antidepressant. My father picked it up for me and brought it to me. Once I started taking the meds, I remember Horse Girl's smiles and how wonderful they were, I think I bonded with her with in a few weeks after starting the meds. I was on the medication for about 6 months to a year.

I rarely talk about the postpartum depression because that whole time of my life is so foggy to me that I just don't remember it. I think I suffered from postpartum depression on various levels from the time History Girl was born until I was on medication. I wish I had realized what was going on at the time. I feel like I missed History Girl's newborn and toddler years....I am glad I took a lot of photos and notes so I can look back on them.

I don't think this is what LSM was looking for when she issued the challenge, but this is my response. I hope that having another mother come out of the closet when it comes to PPD that it will make it easier for new mothers to realize it happens it is normal and get help.

OK, so I covered the travails, how about a few joys.

I love that at 9 years old Horse Girl still loves cuddles and she tells me that I am a good cuddler.
I love that History Girl feels she can share her private writing with me.
I love that History Girl's friends see me as a cool mom and like hanging out at our house.
I love watching both girls become more grown up every day and seeing glimpses of the adults they will be one day.

I know there are other things I love, but can't think of them right now. :-)

Tales of The Red Panda: The Crime Cabal

Awhile back I wrote about one of my favorite podcasts, The Red Panda Adventures by Decoder Ring Theatre. Gregg Taylor the writer and owner of The Red Panda came out with with a Red Panda book written in the tradition of the 1930's and 1940's pulp adventure magazines, titled Tales of The Red Panda: The Crime Cabal. I placed a pre-order for the book...well two copies of the book....sometime in August. It finally showed up last week. I read it in less then 24 hours....the only other time I have done that is with the Harry Potter books....with my learning differences reading takes a lot of effort and it tires me so it has to be a good book for me to read it that quickly and not notice getting tired from it.

The book covers the time between the first season and second season. It fills in some of the background that is hard to put in an audio show. It tells the story of how one of my favorite Agents of the Red Panda became an agent. Since it is written in a third person omniscient narrator style, we get a peek into the minds of the Red Panda and the Flying Squirrel, which was nice.

I can't write too much about the book, because all the people who placed a pre-order haven't gotten their books so I have to keep quiet about it. It was a book that was well worth the wait. Thank you Gregg for such a great treat and I hope there will be more to come.

Here is more info about "Tales of The Red Panda: The Crime Cabal."
Here is a link to Decoder Ring Theatre if you are going on a long car trip or something like that their podcasts are great to listen to then.

Facebook Meme

I stole this from Trees and flowers and birds!

Guidelines:
1. Put your iTunes or Windows Media Player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your next answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how outrageous it sounds!
4. Tag friends who might enjoy doing the game as well as the person you got the note from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS, “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
“Alabama Song (Whiskey Bar)” by The Doors I have no idea what that would mean. :-)


WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
“Sugar Magnolia” by Greateful Dead “She pays my ticket when I speed.” I could be like Sugar Magnolia, a good partner in a relationship paying speeding tickets, dancing a Cajan rhythm, and discovering the wonders of nature. I have no idea. :-)


WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
“Mack the Knife” by Ella Fitzgerald I know what that means....I like a person who can think on their feet and that really discribes Fly Guy. In this version Ella forgets the words to the song and like any good jazz singer she makes it up without losing a beat and that is why I love her as a singer. Fly Guy always is able to think on his feet in a way that I can and I admire him when it comes to that.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
“Five Feet High and Rising” by Johnny Cash Life’s Purpose....well maybe get out of a tough spot and help other people out. I have no idea...I am reaching. :-)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
“Sychronicity II” by The Police Well The Police have been my favorate band since about 1981 or 1982. But I do believe that there is a synchronicity and something just are ment to happen in they way the do. There is just a synchronicity in how and when events happen and you might now know why at the time but sooner or later it will all become clear and that it happened for a reason.

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
“Space Oddity” by David Bowie I am not sure how I feel about that ...either they think I am odd or that I am a depressed astronaut. hmmm...not sure how to take that :-)


WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
(“Darlin’) You Know I Love You” by Tina Turner I do think about Fly Guy often and he would be the only person in my life I would think about calling “Darlin’” and it is unlikely I would even call him that.


WHAT IS 2+2?
“Mama Kin” by Aerosmith If anyone has something to connect these please tell me.


WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
“The Figure 11” by The Mother Hips I have no idea with this one either.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LOVE?
“Beer for My Horses” by Willie Nelson Fly Guy has a stong sence of right and wrong and he will fight to the end to get what is right. The people that stand by him and support him he treats well giving Wiskey to his men and beer to their horses...well figurtivly I think Horse Girl would be upset if he gave horses beer.



WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
“Green Suede Shoes” by Black 47 I have no idea what this has to do with my life story except it is fun to play very loud and dance around the kitchen to. :-) The song is more or less about a Hard Irish Rock band making it through the US. ...that is the watered down version. :-)


WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
“Tempted” by Squeeze Hmmmm....I think I am going to just leave this one be.


WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LOVE?
“Come Together” by Peanut Butter Disco Hmmm...I will leave that one be also.



WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
“Sad and Deep As You” by Traffic Not even close to the song we danced to at our wedding, but we did listen to a lot of Traffic and Blind Faith (the two bands share two musicians) when we first were dating. We requested that “Can’t Find My Way Home” by Blind Fairth be played at our wedding, but they wouldn’t do it during the dancing part only the eating.


WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
“If I Ever Leave this World Alive” by Flogging Molly Accually I have always figured this is a song that will be played at Fly Guys wake. A lot Irish beer and wiskey flowing and some hard Irish Music.


WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
“Living in The Past” by Jethro Tull Well this is just too good. Being a person who loves reading History books...so in a way my hobby is living in the past.


WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
“What A Wonderful World” by Joey Romone That my friends make my life a wonderful world, but in order to be my friend they have to be a little different so that is why it is Joey Romone rather then Louis Armstong. :-)


WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
“Empty Bed Blues” by Beasie Smith Well that says a lot....something happening to Fly Guy and him not being around is one of the worst thing that could happen, but I won’t say it is the worst thing that could happen because the worst thing is always something you didn’t think of.


HOW WILL YOU DIE?
“House Burning Down” by The Jimi Hendrix Experince The last two have been too freaky.


WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
“The Big Race” by Mark Isham The fact I didn’t swim in enough big swim meets when I was growing up? Your guess is as good as mine.

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
“”Permanent Waves” by The Kinks Well the thought of my hair curly is a bit of a laugh plus the lyrics to many Kniks songs are so funny.

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
“Solsbury Hill” by Peter Gabriel Well I guess in a way it does I once had a good friend who loved Peter Gabriel, so all Peter Gabriel’s songs remind me of her and the thought of a friendship dieing is sad.

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
“I’d Wait a Million Years” by The Grass Roots If I wasn’t already married this would be the perfect answer.

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
“Hot Rich Girls Dropped in a Grange (Gwen Stefani vs Snoop Dogg vs ZZ Top) by Torero (This is a mashup that is when someone takes a bunch of songs and take them apart and put them together in a new way that is suprisingly good a lot of times.)

If I knew how Hot Rich Girls are being dropped in a Grange it would scare me.


DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
“Beach Party Vietnam” by The Dead Milkmen Hmm...that is interesting I have a whole beach party that likes me.