Not dead yet....

I said in an earlier post that my Grandmother is likely going to die very soon. Every phone call from my parents now I expect it to be the call saying she passed away.

So to the best of my knowledge my Grandmother is not dead year. My Uncle has already book the church this Sunday for the Funeral. Has also arranged for a caterer for food post funeral at his house. He also has arranged for my cousin to fly back from China in time for the funeral on Sunday. A little reminder her folks...she isn't dead yet!!! Yes I expect her to die anytime now, but save this sort of planning until after she is really dead. What if she makes to Sunday.....sorry folks the funeral is postponed because she isn't dead yet. That just seems crazy to me. Is this normal and I am just not getting it?

Flu?

It seems that Horse Girl might have the flu....fever, sore throat, cough, tired...stuff like that. So I am not going to really post today so I can get some rest in hopes of not getting sick myself.

Looking for a ride

Today it has rained all day and rained hard. I am waiting for the Noah and his boat to come by and pick us up.


Today was not a great day and the rain has made it just that much worse. We went to take Horse Girl her riding lessons this morning. We pulled into the barn parking lot and there was a firetruck and an ambulance. Turns out one of Horse Girl's instructors were hit/kicked/stepped on by one of the horses. We got there just as she was being put into the ambulance. She looked like she was ok, she was totally strapped down which looked worse then I bet it was, but when it comes to being hurt by a horse you can never be to careful. So positive thoughts for her if you will.

Horse Girl has fallen off a horse twice in the 4 years she has ridden. Which might sounds like a lot, but she hasn't been hurt, she knows how to fall plus one time her instructor caught her in midair so she never hit the ground. *knock on wood that she is never hurt* Horse Girl when she is a teenager wants the job that the instructor who was hurt has now, she would be good at it. Seeing the instructor all strapped down has made nervous about her having this job in the future. It is one of those things that I just have to let it go.

Also to make this day not so great is my father went up to see his mom. It is looking like she will die very soon. The doctors don't think she will wake up again. She is on a morphine drip right now. She has not had all her senses for sometime so it is a good thing that her life is coming to an end. She has lived longer then she would have wanted to live if she had had control of it. This is my grandmother who married Fly Guy and myself. When he and I were planning our wedding we didn't go to church and we wanted to get married in a historic Puritan meeting house so my grandmother did all the paperwork she needed to be able to perform the ceremony. So even though I have already mourned my grandmother, the person who married us....the person who sang Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer with History Girl, it sad to see her go even though I know the time for her to go has long past.

I see Noah and his ark pulling up right now. So better get going.

What we are watching

Over Somewhere in The Suburbs she talks about her love of her DVR, she talks about the shows she is watching and she asks what other people are watching.

First of all I thought I should share that just over a year ago we bought an Apple TV. When we did that we got rid of cable TV. When then created an iTunes account for our TV and we put an allowance on that account that is equal to what we were spending on cable and then we use that money to buy the shows we want to watch off of iTunes. It has worked really well.

First of all no comercals at all. Second of all, it has taught both girls a bit about budgeting. Horse Girl when we had cable would watch whatever was on the Disney Channel at the time and not think much about it. Now that she knows that she is paying money for an episode she has stopped watching trashy TV like Hanna Montana or the Suite Life. She now spends her TV time watching Mythbusters and How It's Made. So to me those two things are the best reason for making that change.

What I am watching this year....well still watching Bones...I love that show and so does History Girl...we have enough of those episodes bought that we watch one episode a night with History Girl and we really enjoy it.

I am trying out watching Three Rivers I am not sold on it, but it is the best of the three new medical drama out there. So I will watch it for a bit and see where it takes me.

We are also liking The Big Bang Theory a lot. Now this is were getting shows from iTunes is a problem. They are two seasons behind on The Big Bang Theory, so we watched season one from iTunes when the girls' doctor recomended it to History Girl and we loved it so much I bought season two on DVD. Don't ask me what we are going to do once we are done with season two. Don't have a plan there yet. :-)

Also I am still watching Numb3rs. I love having a show about a math guy helping the FBI.

Ok hmm....well if you look closely at what I watch it is all about geeks and nerds....hmmm...I wonder if that means something. :-)

Oh wait I am also watching the last season of Monk. I am really hoping he finds out who killed his wife by the end of this season.

So that is about all I watch, if a friend says they likes a show I will watch a few. For example I have tried out Glee which is ok, just a little odd for my tastes, but it I am in the mood I will watch it. I also watch things that iTunes offers for free to get you hooked, they normally offer one episode a week of something for example they offered The Good Wife and Modern Family which I downloaded both, but have watched neither figuring I will have something to watch if I am bored and don't feel like spending the money on something new. Who knows I might get hooked on one and then I can download the episodes as needed.

Teach Your Children Well

In the Tales From the Testosterone Zone she writes today about a quote from Tampa Mom.

"Why do we enable our children to mediocrity and/or coddle them into becoming emotional cripples? Our children are so smart and amazing, but so many times we’re caught up in our own emotions and make their challenges all about us instead of just handing them back and saying, “How are you going to handle this?”

We’d have a lot more motivated, capable young adults in this world if we didn’t solve our kids’ problems for them and instead gave them guidance to help them solve their own. That’s what I’m working on and it’s just awesome seeing exactly how capable and smart my kids are.

If you guide your children and allow them the freedom to make the choices, they learn from the good and the bad and are far more capable, decisive, sympathetic, and empathetic. Keeping them safe is one thing, keeping them smothered is something else entirely!"

I believe there are times to let children to have freedom to make choices and learn from the good and the bad. I let my girls have freedom to explore our town without my restraints and they have both learned a lot from it.

The problem I have with giving my girls the freedom to make their own choices when it comes to their education is having two kids with two very different learning differences, I need to teach both of them how to advocate for themselves and how to make sure they have the accommodations they need and stuff like that.

With Horse Girl it isn't a problem she has known she has a learning difference all her life. She didn't talk until she was three years old and with help of a speech therapist. So she is excepting and willing to learn what she needs to do so she can show what she knows. Horse Girl knows how to advocate for herself and the special services teachers and her regular teachers always tell me they have never seen a 9 year old advocate as well as Horse Girl does. I am very proud of that and I know I can step back and just guide her a bit at this point and help her where she needs help because of her learning differences.

History Girl on the other hand she is new to this whole learning differences thing. She goes between loving it and finding characters on TV that she looks up to or laugh with who have the same issues she has. Shelden from The Big Bang Theory, he makes her laugh often. Then there is Dr. Temperance "Bones" Brennan on Bones. History Girl is always amazed with Bones and sees herself in the character so much so she now doesn't know if she wants to be an Imagineer for Disney or an anthropologist.

She then goes to hating it. Not wanting the extra help, viewing the extra help as making her stupid some how. This makes me want to scream. I think I finally got her to realize that is not the case. I explained to her that my IQ is in the 95th percentile (well depending on the test 93rd to 97th, so 95th is in the middle and a good number to go with), which means I am smart, but there is no way in this world that I would have been able to do half of the stuff I have done in my life without the extra help that I have received. We all need extra help once and awhile and knowing to except it makes a big difference in quality of life. So History Girl is finally somewhat willing to except some help which has made a big difference.

I have to admit I find helping Horse Girl a lot easier because I can understand her and I have been there done that. With History Girl her needs are very different then mine ever have been and it frustrates me. I wish I could understand stand her needs as well as I do Horse Girl's but I don't and it causes fights and stress because I just don't get it as well as I should.

The biggest academic issue History Girl has is getting school work from point A to point B to point C and then passed in. I have tried to teacher her difference organizational styles and nothing works. I also don't understand needing to be taught organization, I created my own system in 7th grade and modified it as needed through high school and college. Luckily there is a person at History Girl's school who is working with her on this because this has cause too much stress between us. I don't understand how she can finish a project and not turn it in I just don't get it. Fly Guy points out the rest of the world don't get Horse Girl and my issues, so I guess this is the feeling he has when he looking in on Horse Girl working on her homework and stuff.

I guess what I am trying to say is as much as I would like to let this all go and let the girls make and learn from their own mistakes, this isn't the time for it, not yet. History Girl's Social Worker and I have talked. Our goal is that when History Girl starts her Junior year in High School I should be hands off, but since this is such a late diagnoses and at such a hard time in a girl's life because she is figuring out who she is and tossing this new thing in doesn't make it easy for her.
So this is just another way life is different for a parent with kids with learning differences. Not that I would change things for anything in the world, I see the amazing gifts that my girls have gotten from their learning differences so they are worth the difficultly. Just it means I can't parent the way I would like 100% of the time, I need to guide more because the school as good as it is can't do everything and it is my job to take care of it.

Activities

There is one thing that Fly Guy and I disagree about when it comes to parenting. It is extracurricular activities. I would like to see History Girl do some because I very it as an important part of growing up, Fly Guy doesn't think it is important. I guess I am frustrated with the fact that History Girl tries something for awhile and then gives up on it. I would like her to find something that will bring her some sort of happiness for the rest of her life. Yeah, yeah, I know that is asking for a lot, but you have to remember that I started swimming competitively when I was 10 years old and since then I have always viewed myself as a swimmer. Even when I was on a break from swimming for one reason or another I stilled viewed myself as a swimmer. I used Middle School and High School as a time to try new things, Fly Guy thinks it was because I wanted to be away from home. I think I just wanted to try new things. I enjoyed the year I had with the model airplane club, I loved my few years with the Outing Club. I also took part in track (threw shot put and discus and ran the mile), cross-country and I was one of the first members of my High School's girls' lacrosse team. I was a member of SADD. I was a member of the Math Club, I won an honorable mention for the state wide Math Fair in eighth grade. I took Russian after school. Went to the Soviet Union my junior year of High School. I enjoyed trying all these new things and feel that they all made me a more interesting and knowledgeable person.

Thinking about it even in college I did activities. I joined the Fencing club. Pledged a sorority. Joined the ACM. I was a member of the pagan students association and a Russian Language club.

I always have enjoyed trying new things and it really frustrates me that History Girl has no interests in activities. Fly Guy says he wasn't involved in much and he turned out relatively normal, so I guess History Girl will be ok also.

You might have noticed I haven't said a word about Horse Girl. Well that is because when she picks up an activity, she picks it up for life. The only thing she has ever dropped out of is Girl Scouts and I was happy when she did that because it meant I no longer had to be a leader. :-)
She takes part in gymnastics, horse back riding, 4-H, piano lessons, and drum lessons. She also has her twice a week tutoring so she can't fit anything else in. So I have no worries about her. :-)

During your school years did you take part in activities and to what extent?

Nablopomo

Well it is November and my last post was sometime in April. Yes I am still alive, but I have been very busy. I am going to try to do Nablopomo, I can't guaranty anything since I work at a toy fund this time of year so November and December are even more crazy time wise than normal, but I will give it a shot rather than fold up shop here.

Things are rolling along with Horse Girl, she has a specialist that is very well known in the area who has been checking her out. So we are hoping to have new ideas to help her with her reading. Over all things are going really well for her. She is in a class with 13 students. She has a great teacher who really wants Horse Girl to do her best and also not stand out because in 4th grade it starts to be hard to be different. So that is all very good.

History Girl just was given ADOS (Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule) and I really hope to get some answers that fit with our view of her. Teachers are realizing she learns different then other kids so they have changed things a bit for her. For example one teacher had a weekly word and the students had to do several little tasks with that word over the week. They got 10 points if they did all the things. Well History Girl doesn't deal with the minutia of educations and so she has a lot of problems getting a project from point A to point B to point C then handed in. So she was getting between 0 and 5 points on these words. The teacher decided to give the whole class a pretest on the words and if the student got an 95 or better they didn't have to do the word of the week at all. History Girl was one of two kids that got better than a 95 she got a 98. So that really helped that teacher realize that History Girl really did know her stuff just couldn't give it to her in the way the teacher was looking for.

Fly Guy is doing well. Nothing big going on there.

I am still doing the same stuff I have always been doing....trying to keep my family on track and that they all get what they need.

A challenge

A few weeks ago LSM issued me a challenge to state my "thoughts on the joys (or travails) of mothering."

Is it wrong that I had a lot of problems thinking up something to write about it? Then Fly Guy sent me a link to this blog. It is about postpartum depression.

I don't remember History Girl's newborn days that well. I remember wanting to hit my MIL after she asked me if I had bonded with History Girl and would I run in front of a bus to save her. I didn't say anything right away because it was such a far out question typical of my MIL. It just annoyed me. I am not sure when I bonded with History Girl, it didn't happen like it does on TV and in the movies when they hand you the baby and all you feel is love for that baby. I didn't have thoughts of hurting History Girl, just bonding didn't come quickly. I wrote it off as the fact that I had never been around babies. I never took care of babies. History Girl's diapers were the first diapers I ever changed. I never babysat, I made more money lifegaurding so babysitting never made sense to me. So I wrote bonding issues off as being very new to the baby thing and having problems breastfeeding. The bond was something that grew slowly. It was there sometime around the time History Girl was 13 months old when she broke her elbow.

Horse Girl was born when History Girl was 3.5 years old. I didn't expect the bonding to happen right away because it didn't with History Girl. I did expect breastfeeding to be a problem so I was ready for that. Breastfeeding was hard work and we had a lactation consultant come to the house to help and had a nurse come to the house to weigh Horse Girl every other day or so. It finally worked out and I thought since breastfeeding was working out I will bond quicker this time. Well that wasn't the case.

When Horse Girl was about a month or two old. I remember not being able to handle the girls any more. I was a failure as a mother and I had to get out of there. I left the house and went to the garage planning to leave the girls in the house a lone and run away. Once I got to the car I found I had a flat tire. So I couldn't go anywhere. When I look back at that situation, that is when I truly believe that there is some sort of higher power, because if there wasn't a flat tire who knows what I would have done, how long the girls would have been a lone, what I would have done to myself and stuff like that. I ended up going back inside and calling my OB/GYN and telling her what happened. She called in a prescription for an antidepressant. My father picked it up for me and brought it to me. Once I started taking the meds, I remember Horse Girl's smiles and how wonderful they were, I think I bonded with her with in a few weeks after starting the meds. I was on the medication for about 6 months to a year.

I rarely talk about the postpartum depression because that whole time of my life is so foggy to me that I just don't remember it. I think I suffered from postpartum depression on various levels from the time History Girl was born until I was on medication. I wish I had realized what was going on at the time. I feel like I missed History Girl's newborn and toddler years....I am glad I took a lot of photos and notes so I can look back on them.

I don't think this is what LSM was looking for when she issued the challenge, but this is my response. I hope that having another mother come out of the closet when it comes to PPD that it will make it easier for new mothers to realize it happens it is normal and get help.

OK, so I covered the travails, how about a few joys.

I love that at 9 years old Horse Girl still loves cuddles and she tells me that I am a good cuddler.
I love that History Girl feels she can share her private writing with me.
I love that History Girl's friends see me as a cool mom and like hanging out at our house.
I love watching both girls become more grown up every day and seeing glimpses of the adults they will be one day.

I know there are other things I love, but can't think of them right now. :-)

Just counting the days

Just counting the days....school starts for the girls on Tuesday. They have fought and argued and pinched and all those fun things until I am really looking forward to them being in school all day.

Yesterday we celebrated the end of Summer by going to a local amusement park. We had a great time. Horse Girl has been nervous about rides since she begged us to go on Tower of Terror at Walt Disney World after we told her how scary it was. History Girl and I worked on Horse Girl to get her to ride some different rides and it took sometime, but she was willing to ride everything by the end of the day. We also had an old time photo taken where you get dressed up in an old style. We dressed up as female outlaws from maybe the 1920s...it is hard to tell when because Horse Girl and History girl wanted two different style of dresses. But I think they will remember the whole day as a good time.

Update on Horse Girl

Just a quick update on Horse Girl. I greatful for the suggestion that people gave me and I have filed them away because I know I am going to have Horse Girl at loose ends at some point again sooner or later. It seems that Horse Girl needed time away from school work and time with horses. She normally has 1 hour or so with horses every week. Horse riding camp she had 20 or so hours with horses over the week. We also decided that we would have her take a break from school work for the week. An hour of one on one speech and 5 hours of one on one reading every week when other kids (read big sis) are sitting around not doing much except for hanging out with friends, watching TV and playing Webkinz. (and in the case of big sis walking to historical houses. :-) ) So week off from school work and and week with horses seems to calm Horse Girl. So all is good. School starts in three week and extended year services are done for the Summer so Horse Girl and I will work together for the next three weeks to keep her on top of her game, but not so much that she freaks out again.

History Girl

I need to post this about History Girl. This happened last week, but I have been too busy to post. This explains why she is called History Girl and not something else.

Well one day last week History Girl and her best friend were hanging out and asked if they could go wander around. I said yes as long as she took her cell phone. We live in Maine and non-custodial child abdution is unheard of so History Girl has a lot of freedom. It is the major reason we live in Maine rather then some other place. I get a call from History Girl at about 2:30pm saying that her friend's mom will drive her home at 4:30 or so. I asked her where she was. I hear in the background her friend trying to get her to lie. She tells me the truth that she was in Portland....less then 5 miles from our house. I tell her no problem I am glad she told me the truth, but I rather she had told me before she went across the bridge. Now...what do you think might cause two 12 year olds to walk that far. If you said shopping....you would be wrong. History Girl wanted to go to Victoria Mansion. It is a historical house in Downtown Portland.....Portland has a lot of historical houses, but Victoria Mansion stands apart in that it has all the original furniture also, so it is very much like stepping back in time. So any 12 year old who wanders off to go tour a historical house....deserves the name History Girl.

Duck, duck, goose

I took Horse Girl to feed the ducks this afternoon. I have always felt that Horse Girl has a way with animals that most people don't., but this is her biased mother talking. I have been to this pond many times before and the ducks are friendly, but not overly so. These ducks would walk right up to Horse Girl sitting on the ground and head butt her and look like they wanted her to pet them and walk right up to her...they all but walked onto her lap. She would sit and talk to the ducks making sure they all got some bread making sure none of them went without. It was very cute and I wish I had my camera.

Horse Girl

I don't know what to do about Horse Girl. She is clearly having problems and has been for a few weeks. I think it is related to her sensory issues, but I am not sure. I think she is sensory seeking right now, but our normal way of dealing with that with brushing and mini trampoline don't seem to be working. She is fidgeting and leaning on people all the time. This is causing her not to be able to get her work done at the Dyslexia Center or during the extended year services at the school. I have had three of her teachers talk to me about it and I have no idea what to do.
She even has been having nightmares lately. She is tossing all over her bed and crying out. I have no idea what is going on with her.
We are taking her out of the EYS and the Dyslexia Center next week so she can go to Horse Camp. I am hoping doing something more physical will clear up whatever is going on with her. Then she will go back for one more week at the Dyslexia Center. Then 3 weeks before school starting. Those weeks we will do a few thing at home in hopes that she doesn't lose ground, but trying not to over work her.
I think part of the problem is the fact Horse Girl is a bit of a perfectionist....which is something she gets from Fly Guy. Being a person with learning differences and a perfectionist is a hard combo to live with. She so wants figure things out and she gets really frustrated about it. She started crying today at the Dyslexia Center today because she feeling wriggly and that and having trouble keeping her mind on her work and it wasn't working for her today. This all made her cry. Her teacher felt bad because she hates it when Horse Girl cries because Horse Girl only cries at the Dyslexia Center when she is upset with herself.
I don't know. I need to figure out what to do to help Horse Girl. I hope a week at Horse Camp does the trick.

Drums

Horse Girl told me this morning during our driving around this morning that she wants to take up drums. This isn't the first time she has asked to do this. My response has always been the same. The school offers drum lessons in 6th grade so she could take lessons then. Then she said to me she was going to have Pop-Pop (Fly Guy's Stepfather) buy her a set of drums because he promised her a First Communion gift the next time they saw each other. My mind started whirling with thoughts.

You see I love drums...when I listen to music I hear the drums and everything else is extra. One of the reasons I love The Police is because Stewart Copeland has no equal when it comes to playing drums.

I took drum lessons in school, but my parents being who they are and not knowing what they doing with regards to helping their LD kid get what she needed in school...listened to the music teacher who said that I couldn't possibly play drums because of my LD. I kept fighting them on it and a year later then all my peers started drum lessons at school. I had no support at home. My parents would only pay for my sticks...I didn't even have a practice pad I had to fake it with a Frisbee. I had to push myself to practice...with my brother they had him sit down 30-45 mins everyday at the piano and they watched over his practice. My drum instructor clearly didn't think I would make it...plus I was older then the other kids in the lesson so I got pulled out of a different part of class rather then quiet study time...I got pulled out of math and when they did word problems I got a D- because a dyslexic and word problems just sucks and I wasn't in the class for them. So my parents said I had to give up drumming because clearly it was affecting my school work. Ever since then I have wanted to take up drumming again and get a teacher who doesn't give a damn about my LD or even better doesn't even know I have it.

So the idea of Horse Girl getting a set of drums just makes my heart sing. It would be a step closer to what I would like to do. Horse Girl said that maybe she could get Pop-Pop buy a whole set of drums. I told her you only really need one drum to start with and that way you can get a better quality drum and slowly build up a drum kit. She said that makes sense, but she would want a cymbal also. I told her we might be able to work that out. :-)

Horse Girl and I were stuck in traffic with me and I put on some Police and she air drummed with me. I will have to see about lessons for her. She has the benefit of a mom who knows what she is going through and knows the words to say to tell the doubters to just shut-up. So maybe she will go farther with drums then I did. That would make me happy.

BTW a couple weeks ago my mother told me she was sorry that she didn't stick up for me in school more or in a better way. She said she always wanted to believe what the teachers told her and she just followed along. She sees me question the Horse Girl's teachers all the time and check to see how Horse Girl is doing, so she feels like she didn't do as good a job as she could have. I told her she didn't know any better, she was doing what seemed right at the time, just as I am doing what seems right at this time. I am not sure what I would do if I didn't have the Internet and could research things deeply at home. I don't have time to spend a lot of time at a library doing research. Plus I have the benefit that my mother never had, I have traveled this road that Horse Girl has traveled and I know the words that made me feel better when I was discouraged and I can talk to Horse Girl about how it took me forever to read and now I am reading all the time. So that is a major thing my mother just never had and never will have, so my relationship with Horse Girl, her school and her teachers will always be different then my mother's relationship with me, my school and my teachers.

Things

Things have been busy here so posting has been the last thing on my mind. School is winding down for the girls so I have been busy trying to take care of things at the school and I have been getting ready for Summer. Horse Girl is having trouble with the idea she does school stuff over the Summer and other people don't. I told her that it will help her make it to her goal of reading chapter books. It makes me sad when she says stuff about how she isn't like everyone else. I know she isn't, but it doesn't make it easy when she says it. I also have been working on over coming my fears of open water swimming, so that has been taking up a lot of time. Well it is time for me to get ready to go to a Girl Scout thing. Hopefully I will fine time to type more sooner rather then later.

Update covering the last two months

The toy fund season is over. We were able to give nearly 8000 needy kids toys this year, so it was a rewarding, but crazy holiday season. We had so many new applicants because of heating oil prices being sky high, it was a choice between oil and toys for very many families. I didn't get my house 100% decorated. I didn't get my collection of Santas out until Christmas eve. I still haven't sent out my Christmas cards and this year is the first year I have done real Christmas cards rather then Holiday Peace cards. I wonder how late is too late to send them out?

Other things that happened during these two months is November 1st I was hurt by a student at my school job. My shoulder has been in constant pain until two weeks ago. Since it was a Worker's Comp case the school sent me to this Dr. that deals injuries that are school workers comp stuff. I ended up hating the Doctor. He never took X-rays. He didn't take my depression seriously. Because of him being that way I never told him about my PTSD acting up because of being restrained in the way the student restrained me. He would give me medication without telling me why he was doing it. Because of my history of attempted drug overdoses I steer clear of drugs unless I know 100% why I am taking them. He had this view of that was his job and I shouldn't be bothered with it. At my last appointment with him he told me that he "knew my personality" and that I must work harder to get better and he said that I would need 3 PT appointments a week. Well I went to the PT appointment and the physical therapist thought he was crazy since she didn't know of a person working harder to get better then I was.

Well the worker's comp people called me and asked me how things were going. I let the flood gates out and told her everything and how awful the Doctor was and how I felt he was trying to pad his bill. (The physical therapist I was going to was on his staff.) So the workers comp person checked with the school to see if it was ok for me to switch Doctors. I got into a new place. She spent 3 hours with me at my first appointment talking about my depression and PTSD. She took X-rays. We talked about the options. What drugs might be good for me. We decided to go with a cortisone shot right then and there. I feeling my normal self within a day or so and a week and a half later I am cleared as all better.

So this makes me even more angry about the first Doctor. He drags out my treatment for nearly two months...I am in pain 24 hours a day. I can't swim and I need to swim to make sure I don't start getting depressed. The pain was making me feel awful. So a good part of these last two months I have been feeling depressed between the pain and not being able to swim. But I couldn't let the depression get to me too much because I needed to get toys to the kids who need them. I ended up calling Fly Guy in tears a few times because I wanted to crawl up in a ball and hide from the world and from the toy fund. Once I was no longer in pain things turned around fairly quickly.

Other stuff that is going on. Horse Girl is reading more and more. The Scottish Rite Dyslexia Learning Center has been doing an amazing job. She has been able to read some subtitles on movies and things like that. She has come a long a lot faster then we ever dreamed possible. So there is a lot of excitement in this house because of that. She is also showing how good she is with math. She just loves school and her teacher is one of the top teachers I have met in my lifetime. The scary thing this is her first year teaching....what will she be like when she get more experience. She is going to be much more then amazing.....I don't think that there is a word for how good she will be.

History Girl is doing well. She has close friends which she didn't have last year. Moving to a bigger school helped with that a lot. She is finding school very boring and isn't working hard at all. We have decided to bribe her with money for grade. I am never quite sure about that, but Fly Guy said that it is what worked for him and he and History Girl are a lot a like when it comes to school. He says in the real world people get paid for performance so History Girl should be paid for performance. I figured it can't hurt. History Girl and I go head to head often about her schooling, because she is so gifted and she doesn't use it....so more or less I have decided to let Fly Guy handle History Girl and I will deal with Horse Girl since she is more like me and I understand her needs and figuring out her needs sometimes frustrate Fly Guy. So it is divide and conquer.

I have to say History Girl is very person to know and I have to say I am pleased that she is my kid. She figured out the Santa Claus myth and rather come to us and talk to us about it. She created a word puzzle telling us she knew and left it by her stocking. Fly Guy figured out the word puzzle and then we invited her down and told her she could now join the elf club. We talked about things we did to make the myth even more real for her. She seemed to appreciate the effort we put into it and she also seemed happy to be on the other end of things this year and help be an elf for her sister. We talked about how Santa is in people's hearts and stuff like that and how she should protect the people who still believe. She was willing to take up all those responsibilities.

Also on a Christmas note....having seen my grandmother two days in a row. I would like same rights we give pets and if life is just sucking please just put me out of my misery. My grandmother is just a shell of the person she was. Physically she is healthy for the most part, but she doesn't know who any of her family is. She didn't know what Christmas was, she vaguely knew some Christmas songs. If she can't remember songs 100% then she is truly gone. My grandmother has sung all her life at her church and with Sweet Adelines...singing was the biggest thing in her life and the fact she couldn't remember the words to songs she has sung her whole life, to me means that she is really gone and is just a shell of who she was.

I am sure I am missing things that happened the last two months, but that was the over view of it all.

I hope everyone had a great holiday season and will have a great New Year. I am glad to be back even though my house is still a mess, but I will get around to that sooner or later. ;-)

Open Houses

For the first time ever I didn't have to split my time at a school open house between two classrooms and I will never have to do it again. From here on out Horse Girl and History Girl will always be in different schools.

On Wednesday we had our first Open House at the middle school History Girl is attending. We spent 10 minutes in each classroom met all her teachers 6 of them in total. The French teacher seems like she will be fun, which is surprising to me since both French teachers I had I didn't get a long with. One I made angry because when I was taking French and Russian the same year even though I had been taking French for three years and it was my first year taking Russian, I just grasped Russian better so there were many times I didn't know the answer in French, but did in Russian or I would answer "I don't know." in Russian. This all made my French teacher angry since he told my parents that I shouldn't take Russian because I didn't do well at French. Well it turns out I just didn't like French and didn't like the teachers I had for it. So I have always had a negative view of French teachers so I was surprised when I liked History Girl's French teacher. Also History Girl's Band instructor is very excited about having History Girl in Band not only because she plays French Horn, but because she went to band camp this Summer. The Band instructor said she lets the kids who play French Horn more leeway because of how rare they are. Well History Girl is every excited about middle school and wants it to be Tuesday since that is the first day of school.

On Thursday we had the Open House at the elementary school for Horse Girl. Horse Girl is going to be in 2nd grade this year. They hired a new 2nd grade teacher because they like to keep the classes small and Horse Girl's grade is large compared to the other grades so the school keeps hiring a new teacher when her grade goes forward in order to keep the classes small....then when the year is over the teacher is moved somewhere else in the district. So we have never met this teacher before. She is very friendly. What impressed me so much is that she checked the files of all her students and then talked to the speech therapists and resource room teachers to find out what she could do to make the year go well for the students with IEPs. I am so pleased and impressed that she did for me what I am used to having to go up to a teacher to tell them Horse Girl has an IEP and we will be having a PET meeting before October to bring the teacher up to speed. She did this all herself. You should hear Horse Girl's speech therapist talk about Horse Girl's teacher.....it is like the teacher walks on water because she has done this one little thing. Hey I totally agree with her with this...it makes our lives easier and makes us feel that she does really care about Horse Girl and the other kids with Learning Differences.

Horse Girl talked to her new teacher for awhile. Talked to her about the reading she has done over the Summer. Horse Girl has read at least 15 mins a day and worked on workbooks and listened to Harry Potter books on her iPod. Horse Girl told her teacher all about that and the fact that she had taken part in a Horse Show this Summer and won two ribbons.

Then we went up to visit Horse Girl's speech therapist and her reading tutor. It makes sense that she would want to spend more time visiting them then any other teachers because she spends more time with them then any other teacher. Horse Girl helped her Speech Therapist set up decorations in the speech room. Her Speech Therapist was so pleased to hear that Horse Girl didn't regress at all over the Summer when it comes to her speech. The Speech Therapist was also noting that Horse Girl is putting together long sentences when she is speaking and when she is doing that she is having word recall issues. She has always had word recall issues, but now with the really long sentences with the complicated concepts she is trying to express the word recall issues are more noticeable. The Speech Therapist plans to work on this more this coming year. Both the Speech Therapist and the Reading Tutor were impressed that Horse Girl could now match up the letters with the sounds they make. Which was something she had a lot of problems with last year. I think she was able to do it now with no problem because of all the workbook work she did over the Summer.

Just so you know I don't make Horse Girl do all this work. I do make her read at least 15 mins a day and I make sure she takes part in the Extended Year Services the school offers for her in the Sumer. Everything else is work she makes herself do because she wants to and she wants to get better with her studies. I am a big believer of her having a Summer like a regular kid, which she does then on her own she adds stuff to it that helps her. Her work ethic is just amazing and I believe she will go far because of it.

So it looks like Horse Girl will be starting this year better then we had hoped for.

Horse Girl has been on the waiting list for the Scottish Rite Learning Center for 18 months and she finally made it to the top of the list. So this year on Mondays and Wesnesdays after school she will be getting extra tutoring to help deal with her learning differences. Scottish Rite Learning Center is one of the best places to get help for Dyslexia and they are always doing the cutting edge tutoring for the kids. I feel so glad that Horse Girl is taking part in this tutoring. I am looking forward to see how this year goes for her.

Overreacting?

When I was a kid my parents just did what the teachers told them to do with regards to my learning differences. They never did anything more then that. When they were told that the gifted and talented teacher didn't want me in his class because I had learning disabilities, my parents didn't stand up for me then. If you ask them it was because the gifted and talented teacher hit some students and they didn't want the teacher teaching me because of that. In my mind that means you don't want that teacher teaching anyone and then you should work to get rid of that teacher. Then see about getting your LD kid in the gifted and talented program because she qualified for it, but that isn't what they thought they should do. The funny thing is a few years later my brother was in the gifted and talented program....hmmm double standard maybe?

Any how I am telling you this because my view of sticking up for my kids might be a little warped because what I grew up with.

Today when I picked up Horse Girl at the bus stop from Horse Camp, she told me she was being picked on because of how she speaks. I talked to her the whole walk home and when we got home I called the camp to tell them what was going on. They said they would look into it and find out what they can and call me tomorrow. Horse Girl heard that I called them and she got angry with me because she wants to be like everyone else. Well that just nearly killed me. I totally understand just wanting to be like everyone else when it is clear my brain works differently then everyone else. Being different is something that I have had to deal with all my life and it has taken me most of my life to realize it is ok that my brain works differently then other people.

Maybe I overreacted calling the camp, but it isn't like they are going to announce that someone said that Horse Girl is being teased and her mom called about it. How am I suppose to know what is within the normal for a reaction to something like this. Maybe I need to realize sometimes Horse Girl will be upset with me doing what is what I view is right.

Summer in Maine

I love Summer in Maine. The smell of the ocean and the scent of the pine trees mixed together is intoxicating to me. I can't even imagine living some place else during the Summer. It is also one of the reasons I rarely vacation outside of Maine in the Summer, it just isn't worth it to me, I live in my Utopia so why go any place else?

What I don't like about Summer is that I am a Taxi Driver for the girls. That is the main reason I haven't been posting lately. I look forward to Fall so I can start living outside of my car again. The only reason I am not in my car this morning is Fly Guy has taken over my morning route so I can go see the new Harry Potter movie this morning. So I am very happy...I love it when he does stuff like this for me.

This year Horse Girl is getting Extended Year Services (EYS) one hour a day four days a week. That is suppose to end at 9am and her Summer camp starts at 9am. I wish teleportation would be invented soon. I end up picking her up early from EYS and dropping her off at camp late. My view is that she needs the EYS, but she also has to be a kid with normal Summer activities. It is hard on me because I get so stressed about getting her from one place to the other, but it works out and I need to learn to relax a bit.

I am so proud of Horse Girl. She has been working so hard. She reads to me 15 mins a day every day, sometimes when it is a harder book she tires out and I take over. Her upper level reading level is H/I, she has trouble, but she can do it with help...she can read F level without any help at all. My hope is that she continues to grow over the Summer and the other kids regress a bit (mean of me I know) and she can start on a good footing since I know this is all so hard for her, but she pushes herself like no other person I know.

Music Camp and my alma mater

History Girl went to Band Camp today....it takes place at the university I got my BA at. It was weird to pick her up because memories came back. I have a strange relationship with my alma mater . When I first was applying to schools when I was in high school I never even thought twice about USM, because it was local and because it was where all the losers went. Even though one of my closest friends went there but she went because of money issues. She was ahead of me in school so when I was a Senior in high school I would spend the night with her at her dorm...we would hang out and she was the first person to show me what was to become the Internet....the university was on Bitnet and I used Bitnet relay which fostered my love of communication over computers. My friend was a music major so the place I had to pick up History Girl from was the building I hung out with my friend. So I have many fond memories of the University.

When it was time for me to go to college I ended up going away to New York to go to school. I ended up in an abusive relationship while I was there which really negatively effected my performance in school...not surprising at all. I have dealt with the issues with the abuse, but I still can "see" the carpet that I woke up seeing when I came to after a beating. It was a short pile tan carpet and it smelled like a new carpet, there were dark spots that it took me a bit to realize was my blood. I was able to the hospital with some help from some friends. Turned out when my boyfriend found out that I had left he went on a rampage...I have heard different stories about how he had a knife with him or how he had a gun with him and he asked friends where I was, but nobody would tell him where I was.

dropped the ball about getting me a computer for the test that day. This After a few years I hadn't gotten my feet back under me, I felt like I was stupid and a failure and stuff like that. I had met Fly Guy and he knew I was smart and he encouraged me to do whatever seemed right for me. I decided I had to get out of New York. I wanted to get back to school. The only school that would take me with the grades I had was USM and I was excepted on probation...I can't remember if I had to get Cs or better or Bs or better or they would let me go. Well I made dean's list ....I made dean's list nearly every semester I went to USM....I seem to remember not making it when I took Asian History because I didn't like that course. I had amazing professors.....I had this one who was very excepting of my learning differences she even let me use her laptop for a test once because the Office for Students with Disabilities professor was the hardest History professor in the department. People told me I was insane to have her advice me for my Senior Theses...I was told she never gives anything higher then a B- when she was grading Senior Theses....I did mine on the Shoah (another term for the Holocaust which I rather to use...why is another blog posting) and homosexual men. I ended up getting an A on it.

During my time at USM I worked hard because I need to prove to myself I could do it and there was a major cloud over me because of what I had dealt with a few years before. So when I go to the campus I have all these feelings. Remembering the fun I had with my friend when I was in high school. I remember my time in New York. Remembering the gratitude that I felt for being given a second chance. The feeling of sadness because I don't feel like I lived up to my expectations.

So all these feelings swirled together when I drove on to the campus to pick up History Girl. Because of that I didn't handle her saying she didn't like band camp. I think she is just tired and once she settles in she in she will like it. At least I didn't yell at her....I just told her that I didn't want to talk about it now and we could talk about it later. Well she is yelling at Horse Girl....time to break it up. :-)